So fuckin' irritated!

Okay, so we got the keys to our new place almost a month ago. We now have to be completely out of the old place by Saturday. I have been pointing his out to Kyle over the last two weeks. Everyday after work, even at midnight, I have gone over to get the little crap we have accumulated boxed up and then I would take it to the new place. It has been slow and tedious.

Then we rented a truck to get the "big stuff", like washer/dryer, Bedroom, and the couches.

Since then I have moved everything else by myself! Clothes, dishes, appliances, ALL the baby shit, all the shit my mother brought from when I lived with my parents that was still in boxes. I mean, this is a three bedroom townhouse, we had a lot of shit!!!

Last week I put out a lot of crap on the curb to be disposed of. All this week Kyle has been saying to wake him up in the morning so we could go over and tag-team all the lifting and packing. I wanted to be completely out on the first, but of course Kyle said, no do it one day at a time. He has yet to back over there since we rented the uhaul.

I tried to take Ariana with me one day when Kyle wouldn't get his ass off the couch and she screamed bloody murder anytime I tried to put her down.
So, today, I went over and packed up a fuck ton more stuff. I have to go back after work tonight to clean.

We still have several boxes and the changing table that I can not pick up myself. I am soooo pissed!!! Basically, I have done all the work to move out and in. Even when I get the shit home in the jeep, Kyle doesn't help unload it. He "doesn't know where I want it", or "forgets". There's not a whole lot I can do about it either, because we have to get out, like now!

I knew I should have just got it done a long ass time ago, instead of waiting on him. He told me just to put everything that's left outside. That was his solution.

Errrr!!!! I want to punch him in the mouth right about now. How fuckin lazy can you be. He said "It's not MY shit". WTH?
So, when I get off here soon, I will be spending my night over there, and then go back in the morning so my neighbor can help me with the heavy lifting.

On a good note, I bought my plane tickets for vacation in August. I also got my new bras and swimsuit from VS in the mail. Thank god! My boobs need all the help they can get nowadays. I only had a few that really fit. Guess that's what happens when women in my family have kids. Each one makes your cup go down a size, lol!

And....I got Ariana to sleep in her crib last night. Granted, I had to stay in there and pat her butt for 15 minutes, but she slept until 9:30 this morning! I woke up before her, and went in to check on her. I was amazed. Hopefully this trend will continue, but Kyle is putting her to bed the rest of the month, so probably not. He refuses to help get her in her own room and bed. Again, such a lazy fuck.

I inherited a cat this week too. My neighbors went through a nasty split, and they had an outdoor only cat. He's pretty cool, always friendly. I felt bad since they were just going to leave him. I have two of my own, so I knew there was no way another was coming in the house, but he can stay outside and I will leave him food. But, that turned out not to be such an easy thing. I had three freaking other cats on my back patio last night chowing on the salmon I put out. BJ, that cat's name, was just chilling, not even bothered by them. So, now I need a solution to keep the other felines away, but still give BJ access to food and water.

Ariana is doing great. She has finally gotten pulling herself up down. She drives Kyle nuts when I am gone, getting into everything. I keep telling him to pick his shit up and it won't be a problem. He builds little forts out of pillow to try to keep her contained. HaHa, dumbass. She is saying "kitty" more an more, and it is hilarious. Just chases them down, pulls on their fur all the while calling "KeyKey". Too damn cute. Now we are going to start working on "bye-bye".

Okay, done for the day.

WootWoot!

So, I did it.

I reserved a moving truck yesterday morning, got off work, and went home to inform Kyle. I figured he'd be pissed, but he wasn't all that moody.

We picekd up the uhaul and went over to the old place. Luckily our neighbor had a dolly for the washer/dryer, although squeezign it through the sliding glass door was a pain. It scratched the hell out of it too. Then, we got everything over to the new place. We put Ariana down for a nap and she slept while Kyle and I moved all the furniture, etc. in.

I still have a lot of shit left at the old place. Mostly clothes, kitchen shit, and random crap. A lot of it will probably be thrown out. Obviously if we have lived two weeks without it, we probably don't need it. Never too late for some spring cleaning!
I'm putting it off until tomorrow though. I desperately need a nap. I work tomorrow as well, but will have off until monday night. I am so glad to be done with morning shift for a while.

I also have my bi-annual check-up on Monday. Someone peeping at my cooter..always fun, wink, wink. Maybe I will finally get the results of my biopsy??

Ariana is doing wonderful. She is giving me kisses but can't quite make the smooch sound. Its more of a smack and then an open mouth slobber. She can say "kitty". It actually comes out a lispy version of "key", but its cute to see she recognizes them and tries to call them. Now If I could convince her that pulling on their fur isn't fun, we'd be all good.

I need a vacation! 6 weeks and counting!

A Flood of Epic Proportions, no?

Okay, so you know they say when it rains, it pours???

As you all know, I have been through a series of unfortunate events the past week or so, and I though the light at the end of the tunnel was just ahead...but it turned out to be an oncoming train!

My hair appointment that was suppose to be low-cost, ended up at almost full price. I didn't get to use my discount until the next appointment, but oh well.

Then, I went shopping on Saturday with my dear friend. We always take separate vehicles, since we both had babes. Well, I looked around and found a strapless bra I wanted. So we buy what we need and leave. Both babies were fussy, and I needed to get home.

On the way home my gas light comes on. I'm like, okay, no problem. I'm about 20 minutes from home. I stop. My wallet is no where to be found. My phone is at home with Kyle. All my cards, Ids, and cash was in that wallet. Of course I realize I'm stuck. I won't make it back to the mall, and I won't make it home. My friend was already headed to base to visit her hubby on duty.

Ariana is asleep in the back seat. I wake her up and go uptot the strange woman next to me and ask to borrow her phone to call Kyle. He, of course, doesn't answer since he doens't know the number. By this point I am hysterically bawling my eyes out. I only know three people besides my husband down here, and I have all their numbers in my phone, I don't know them by heart. The poor woman didn't know what to think. She handed me a five dollar bill and told me to get gas and get my baby home.

I have never been so mortified or humiliated in my life. I quickly paid, got the gas and left. I made it to base, but didn't have any kind of identification. After convincing the police I had just moved, and that I really did reside on base, they escorted me home.

The next day I went back to the mall and got my wallet.

Yesterday night I leave work, and my check engine light comes on. The car is two years old, and I haven't even driven it for a year!

I get home and my sister is blowing up my phone. My mother rear ended a car and is in the hospital. Thank God she is okay now, but her new car isn't.

Then, DH owed a bunch of late fees at blockbuster, and guess who's card is on the account? Yep, mine. And now all of a sudden they have started charging your accounts fees to your card, without any notice. 30 bucks I'm out, can't get back.

And I'm suppose to pay 2 rents, a car note, among many other things and I don't get paid until next Wednesday! Talk about tight.

Watch, I'll leave tonight and my car will blow up on the way home. So, I need to get a diagnostic done on it. Shitty Shit shit.

But, in light of all that, I know I am very fortunate to have a roof over my head, food in my mouth( for now, lol), and my baby girl is happy and healthy. I should appreciate all that. I shouldn't ask for more.
But, I'm still in awe. Like, is Karma coming back to get my ass for something I did?

*Big Breath*. Like Bob Marley said "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry!"

My Booga is 8 Months Today!!

Happy 8 months baby girl! I love you. You are now crawling, pulling up, and I love to see you having the time of your life in your bathtub! Not a day goes by that I am not so thankful you came into my life. No matter what happends, I know all I have to do is look at your smile and I know everything else is unimportant. You have made me realize who counts, who doesn't, and what kind of person I want to be for you.

commence bitching:

So, this week has been slowing killing me. I will list the major events, in chronological order:

1.While driving jeep to new place, mattress flies off, landing in the road, scratched to hell, raining, embarrassing!
2. Husband gets sick, and I have to go out at 2 in the morning to get his damn medicine.
4. New dishwasher leaks, floods kitchen

5. Work blows ass, seriously, very little sleep.
6. Bought new shower curtain for nasty pink bathroom, doesn't match, had to return, wen with a fishy/sea theme. So doesn't match, but oh, the fuck, well.

7. Still no word on where the fuck I will be 5 months from now. Scary.

Well, could be worse. I am planning details for our trip to Disney later this year. It will be nice to have family here. Even if its only for a few days. My mother said she plans on relocating when my sister goes to college. She wants to be near Ariana, and I would love to have her living near by. I was always close to my grandparents, and I want the same for my child.

Kyle has been surprisingly pleasant the last couple days. No big fights. He loves the new place. He did call FIL today. He wants Kyle to stay home in July when he comes. Kyle told him that he has to wait and see what happens with me and my job, and that he will have to work around my schedule. That was considerate, especially for him. Hopefully I won't need him to stick around for long, but at least he's not skipping out at the first chance.

He even asked if we could go out together(clubbing) when I go up for my friend's wedding. I was like " even with all your girlfriends there?". He also keeps wanting to have sex, and talking about another baby. He's joking, but it bothers me when he talks that way. Like everything is just peachy, and how our relationship is completely normal. I don't think he would mind it so much if I did get knocked up again. That way he could leave, and know that I wouldn't need him here to help out when I am gone for a week or two. I don't know how to read him right now. I guess I should enjoy the peace while it lasts. But, I hate that he is just so okay with how things turned out. UHHH! Whatever, I need to stop thinking about it.

I have a command picnic tomorrow. Of course, Kyle refuses to go, so it will be Ariana and I. An excuse to get dressed up I guess. Maybe I can look like a girl for once!

Good Times Keep on a Rollin'

This week was such a great one. I can't begin to explain the liberation I am feeling at this point. I no longer have to worry so much about the future. I will have everything in place for my transfer later this year, and there won't be any question as to whether or not Ariana and I will be financially stable. I shouldn't have doubted myself to begin with, but I know that worrying comes along with being a mommy. What mom doesn't worry about things?

I absolutely love our new place. Funny how excited I get about base housing, but I really am. Okay, the bathroom has a funky pink tile scheme, and I have to get a new curtain and rug, but minor details, right? I think I am most excited about finally having a yard(and not having to mow it myself). Ariana will be able to go out back and play and I wont have to worry about her falling into the marsh, being eaten by an alligator, or whatever nasty beings reside at our place now. This place is just so much more convenient for a single mama. The kitchen is big, so lots of room to cook, more counter space, and a fuckton of cabinets.

I considered trying to buy a house, but I just don't want to deal with all that right now. I guess I'm going with the easier option here, but feel like that's best, for now at least.

Now I just gotta get moved in, get divorced, get orders, and start school. I was going to wait until I transferred for school, but hell, if I'm going to be at my current job until at least December, I might as well start sooner.

I feel real good right now. Something bad is bound to happen, but I'll deal with that if it comes. The next few months will be busy ones, but I gotta remind myself to stop every once in a while and remember all that I have to be thankful for.
I'll try to post pics of the new place later.

Finally Friday

I am struggling trying to plan out how the next six months are going to go. I have so much to be preparing for, but lack some of the necessary tools to begin.

I was hoping to get my extra money this paycheck coming up, but of course, no. I will be calling payroll about that slip up, but it's unlikely they can fix it in time to give me the extra cash. I really need to go get a part-time job. But, since everyone at work is taking leave next month, and the schedule is crazy as fuck, I don't see that happening.

Also, I need to plan for Manada's wedding in August. I can't decided if I want to drive or fly. Kyle and the baby are flying home two weeks before I go up to Illinois. Her wedding is in Missouri, so I will need a car to get there and back. I could always take my mom's new car, since we're only going for a day. But the rest of my time there I will depend on everyone else for rides. It's not terrible I guess. And gas prices are going up. And a 15 hour drive doesn't sound fun. I will crunch some numbers and figure it out by next week.

Speaking of crunching numbers, I did the math for my move to single-mommy in October. After moving into base housing, and paying for daycare and all my other COL expenses, I will break even. Break even???!!! That is going to suck ass in the worst way. But, at least it is possible to do this completely on my own, since depending on Kyle is a definite no-go in my book. That's only if I can get into base housing. My lack of orders is putting me in a shitty position to move anywhere when my lease is up.

I really need to start preparing my Family care plan too. I don't know how the fuck I am going to manage that. Good thing I won't "need" it for a while. Not filling it out now will buy me some time later. Lord forbid I can't complete it and get separated. Kyle better be ready to accommodate whatever I need. He isn't going to do shit else!

Okay, I better go hit up the vending before I get any more overwhelmed talking about my to do list!

Where the hell did Reality go?

Yuck.

That is the only work to describe how I feel at the moment. I have a headache, probably from the drink(s) I had last night. I also decided to hang outside with the neighbors until midnight, instead of going to bed and getting some much needed rest. But, it was entertaining, and I don't get much grown-up interaction. I take what I can get. Kyle was inside on the 360 of course.

So, check this shit out: DH and I were talking yesterday. HE paid to have the Internet cut back on. Grrrrr. So I made a comment about how that was fine, but to remember when the bill comes due in 6 days, that I am not paying to have him get online and continue his extramarital affairs via face book. He had the nerve to say it didn't matter, and that he would talk to whomever he wanted and do whatever he wanted. Basically he told me to fuck off, he is going to keep fuckin' around however he can. I couldn't believe he would say that shit to my face. Then I got pissy about it and he had the nerve to hug me and say we needed to stay good friends for our daughter. ??? Really? Is this shit even real?

I truly feel like I live in one big fucking circus sometimes. This can't possibly be my life. How the hell did it get so extreme? I can not wrap my mind around the idea that someone could be that big of an asshole. It's so sad to think that this person use to be my best friend. I think that if we had never gotten married, we would still be good friends. But, then I wouldn't have my daughter, so I would rather have gone through all the drama and bullshit to have her, than to just have a friend. And a narcissistic friend at that!

This morning, when I woke up and got online, "History" was about 75 pages of porn and Internet dating sites. Go figure. I only checked because he came in around 2 am and accused me of deleting all his shit on the computer, which I didn't do. He woke the baby up with his loud mouth.

I rented Powder Blue yesterday. It was an okay movie. Oh, and Charm School was good. Brittney is finally gone. And Kyle thinks I'm a crazy bitch, ha!

Someone pinch me.

Meet and Greet

So, I thought perhaps it best to start an account of my life. You know, in case something ever happens and my soon to be X has me knocked off. Kidding of course, but in all seriousness, I guess I am craving a place to let go of all my thoughts and feelings. Cheap therapy. And what better place to accomplish this than a blog, right?

Basics...I am Shay, a 23 year old mother to a precious little girl. Her name is Ariana. At the present time she is 7 months old. Every time I look at her I am reminded that I have a purpose in life. I am so in love. I also have a soon-to-be Ex Husband I should probably mention, since I am sure most of my ranting and raving will find its source in his stupidity. That is not nice, Shay. Let put up a simple summary of the year's latest events so the reader may draw their own conclusions:

Cheating, lying, refusal to work, some more cheating, yelling, name calling, spending hundreds of dollars on porn... and yet, again, more cheating. You got it yet? Good, lets move on.

Okay, so it is 7:15 a.m. on this first day of June. I am sitting at my desk, with a can of Vault and bag of jalapeno Doritos from the vending machine. Some breakfast, but the lucky charms at 4:30 couldn't hold it. I am working mornings this week, lucky me. I haven't been feeling the greatest lately, probably a lot of factors are playing into this.

The weekend was an okay one. I had a couple drinks with our neighbors. Our neighbors, lol. They are great people, but not the type of people I would normally hang around. One is a Navy husband, and I love his wife. They are the kind of neighbors people yearn to live next to. The other set, with all their added roommates, aka extended family, are something else. No shortage of drama there. But, they are still good people. My Husband, Kyle, also likes to stand outside and shoot the shit with them. However, he doesn't drink, so after I have a few sips he feels the need to lock me in the house. Apparently I act a fool when I drink, but according to the neighbors, he was the only one acting foolishly that night. So much, in fact, I got a phone call from neighbor's wife, who was in NY, asking if I needed to stay at their place for the evening. I guess Kyle was talking about me in front of everyone, and I was either so use to the ridicule, or so numb, I didn't notice it.

I also went to Kohl's this weekend. I bought pair of shorts since it has come to my attention I no longer own any. I came home and Kyle laughed hysterically at the thought of me wearing them. I was pissed. But, hey, if I'm not sexy to him, I'm sexy to someone!

Which brings me to my little dilemma, which is more like a confession. The past week or so, especially since finding out about hubby's 4 or 5 girlfriends, I have been thinking a lot about "opportunities" I passed along the way, pre-marriage. I had some genuinely nice guys seek out relationships with me, and I always blew them off for Kyle. Even when he was out screwing anything that walked, I was laid up in my dorm room, or house, playing the back burner bitch. I am so pissed at myself for not dating around more. I mean, I had a great social life, great friends, but I was the type of girlfriend who wouldn't even give out my number to, or dance with another guy. I was incredibly devoted to Kyle. Why, I have no friggin' clue, because I was obviously not given the same consideration in the least bit. Now, when we were broken up a few times, I did sleep with a couple other guys. But, Kyle would come begging, and I would cut them off completely, thus ending any chance at a decent relationship. I also had lots of male friends I gave up because Kyle thought it was disrespectful to talk to them.

So, I recently got a message on myspace from one of these guys. Just a "checking in on you" message. I will call him Tricky. Anyways, Tricky and I dated for four weeks, right when I left boot camp. He was sweet, smart, a little younger than I was. And the sex, OMG, was amazing. When he left I found out through a mutual friend he went back home and go back together with his fiance. He got stationed out in California, and I spoke with him on occasion. He always talked about me coming out there. I ended up on the opposite coast, he ended up married and his daughter is a few months older than mine. I still fantasize about him sometimes. I figure if Kyle is actually sleeping with other women, I am allowed to think about what it would be like to sleep with another man. Especially since I'm not getting any ass at all. Kyle gets to have attention from all these other females. I'm kind of tired of ignoring the attention I get. I guess in these other men I am seeking the things I never got with Kyle.

There is also another guy, whom I never messed around with, but who I am kind of attracted to. He just has his life together, and is in a professional that is very family friendly. He has a lot of the same goals in life I once had. This is very attractive to me. I guess I'm just imagining what life after divorce will be like. I know I will never be with these people, but I enjoying thinking about it. I am also imagining what it would be like to go buck wild. I have thoughts about fucking all the men I've ever met that I was attracted to. There are a lot. I read all these texts between Kyle and these females, and they were very raunchy conversations. I would be jealous, except that I can't stand Kyle to touch me. It grosses me out. And so did those texts.

Despite having a baby seven months ago, I feel quite sexy. I by no means think I am gorgeous, maybe just cute. But I have always had a good amount of sex appeal, never had trouble finding a good looking man. I just don't know what will happen after my divorce. I'm almost scared of myself, having all this pent up sexual aggression. Wow, that sounds terrible. I'm laughing at my ridiculousness. Is that a word? If not, it is now. I am going to take a long ass nap when I get home this morning. Okay, I think I am done for the moment.